My Small World

I’ve written off the month of July. Though it’s only the 10th I know where this is going. I know what it will take. When MS decides to flare, it’s the boss. It becomes a trial of my patience and the challenge of accepting I’m not in charge.

Stuck in this apartment. I’ve been outside for only short periods here and there. Yesterday, I spoke to no one. Saw no one. I checked my e-mail. Everyone is out having fun for the weekend. That’s what happens; the rest of the world passes you by.

It’s only been two weeks but it feels like much longer. I look at the calendar just to remind myself what day it is and how does this one compare to yesterday. Are the symptoms lessoning. Do I have more energy. How much longer. Will my life ever get back to normal. What if I don’t get better.

That’s one thing about being sick. Too much time to think. In fact, that’s all there is. Time to think. Rumination is so unproductive. But what else is there to do. I know how everyone dreams of down time and being able to kick back, read a book or take naps and putter. But when it’s all you can do, that puts a whole different spins on it.

Each morning starts out the same. Check symptoms. Decide what I’m able to do. That fine line is always there. Stay active but don’t overdo, say all the well-meaning health care professionals. No one is sure what that means. Especially since each case is different.   What is overdoing for me is different than for someone else.

So, I’ve set up tests. I felt so mentally healthy the first day I was able to walk down to the lobby and get my mail. Then I did that walk and also did laundry. Then I added walking down to the garden and sitting for a while. I try to add some small thing each day. But not too much lest I overdo.

Then I overdo. Back to square one or two. So, I put a sign on my door in very big letters. DON”T OVER-DO! I hope this helps.

 

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